Thursday, January 31, 2008

Now if Morgan Freeman was a Scientologist...

I would at LEAST give it some consideration.

Nancy Cartwright, the voice of Bart Simpson, just gave $10 million dollars (US) to The Church of Scientology.

That's right.

Bart Simpson is a Scientologist.

Which brings up a bigger point. There is no celebrity who is a Scientologist that I am impressed by. And by that I mean. There are no celebrity Scientologists who I think are that intelligent OR self-reflective OR interesting.

Here is a List of Celebrity Scientologists. I know the fact that the list is from Wikipedia makes this completely UNscientific... much like Scientology.

Now admittedly, there are some notable names on there. But I really think you have to discount any musicians. (Beck, Chick Corea, Issac Hayes, Doug E. Fresh... DOUG E. FRESH?) Everybody knows musicians are crazy. It's why the music is so good. Also you have to discount anybody who was raised a Scientologist (Again, Beck, Giovanni Ribisi). I have many people in my life who were raised Catholic and I don't judge them. it's not their fault.

After that the list is a mixed bag of C-List Actors and C Minus List Actors and "Who the hell is that?"

Where's Samuel L. Jackson? Harrison Ford? Alec Baldwin? Oprah Winfrey? Hell, if Charles Barkley said he was a member, I'd at least read the pamphlet... maybe I'd even hold those two metal rods to find out how I am broken. BUUUUUUUUUUT none of those people are Scientologists. Their two big names are Tom Cruise and John Travolta. Both of whom I think are decent to pretty good actors, and both of whom I've never heard speak and thought, "Man... This dude is really on to something."

I also feel the same way about the Evangelical Christian movement and their celebrities: Stephen Baldwin... Kirk Cameron...

And now a reading from The Book of Crazy by Tom Cruise, himself... (Thanks to Jeremy Townsend from for reminding me of this.)

P.S. Free Katie Holmes!
P.P.S Do yourself a favor and spend sometime watching videos at Kirk Cameron's website. Specifically the one on proof of God. It's is truly the best in Alternative Comedy.
P.P.P.S. There's NOTHING worse than Christian Hip Hop.


jkt said...

This is completely hilarious. It's really such a phenomenon. I just found out yesterday that there's a scientology celebrity centre here in nashville, which is just a relief.
here's that tom cruise video that the church of scientology is suing everybody over:

it's creepy.

marcellulite said...

"There is no celebrity who is a Scientologist that I am impressed by."

Hilarity. Thank you.

lady griot said...

What the F... is he talking about? If Tom Cruise is the recruiter for Scientology, they are in big trouble.