Thursday, January 17, 2008

The Fried Chicken Report Vol. 2

I stole this clip from the Kelly Dwyer Blog over at Yahoo Sports.

Okay. First of all, Karl Malone was never my favorite NBA player of all-time --- (Michael Jordan). Or even my favorite Take No Prisoners, Bad Ass, Independent NBA player --- (Charles Barkley). And he certainly wasn't my This guy is no perfect citizen but DAMN, I like to watch him play NBA player --- (Dennis Rodman). And he certainly wasn't my favorite, "Man, I just like this guy!" NBA player --- (Steve Kerr).

(Is there any coincidence that three of these four players are from my beloved Chicago Bulls? --- Nah, probably not.)

In fact I never liked Karl Malone. First of all, he played for the Utah Jazz and apparently he ENJOYED living in Salt City?!! Now, I have never been to Salt Lake City (except for the airport --- How many cities can we all say that about? Pretty strange.) Anyway, I have never been there but I ahev also never talked to a Mormon (the dominant culture of Salt Lake City). And I consider it strange that I haven't talked to a Mormon, since I often see them in San Francisco talking to people. See San Francisco is one of the places that young Mormons do the missionary work. --- I wonder why they won't talk to me... OH! That's why! I never trusted a black dude who could make a home in this city.

Second Karl Malone is one of those type of black people, who says something that he frames as if it is daring OR controversial, but when you actually listen to it, it just supports the establishment. (For more on this see most black conservative public figures.)

Also Karl Malone was a dirty player. He (along with his Ace Boon Coon, teammate, John Stockton) was an dirty player throughout his career which seemed SOOOOOOO unnecessary to me, because he was such a skilled and talented player. He was constantly was throwing elbows at other players, which was made worse that these elbows were attached to a 6'9", 255lb, muscle bound, Rogaine spokesman. I never understood why he felt the need to be sooo cheap shot-y.

Having said all that... I NEVER thought SOOOOOOOO littel of Karl Malone that I thought he'd would actually be in a FRIED CHICKEN COMMERCIAL!? Yikes! And he's soooooooooo EXCITED about it. I know endorsements are great and they are part and parcel of being an athlete, but DAAAAAAAAAANG!

In conclusion, here's a clip from YouTube, that not only shows Karl Malone being an ass, BUT has the added benefit of showing Michael Jordan being, ummm... Michael Jordan.

You can watch the whole awesome 8 minutes of it, or if you don't have time you can just fast forward ahead to 5:50. And then you get to see Karl, being an ass TWICE in two and a half minutes.

P.S. As part of the truth and reconciliation commission, i will admit that I am a comic who had (has?) a fried chicken joke, but it ain't about how excited I am about it. Although my joke does compare different fried chicken restaurants... But, I don't go so low down the fried chicken totem pole to actually comment on Hardees. Ewwwwwwwwwww.

P.P.S. Hardee's is the same as Carl's Jr. to all you people on the west coast.

P.P.P.S. This.


mermaidintherudder said...

Ebony Washington is a fabulous name. I don't know why the mormons didn't relate. Maybe if he tried Ebony Smith.


Can someone please have a revelation and decide God prolly isn't racist?

Fantastic MJ clip. I forgot how much fun basketball was to watch.

Dean said...

"Ace Boon Coon"? Now THERE'S a phrase I haven't heard in a while...

Still trying to convince the Mrs. and Little Sunflower to go with me to a chicken and waffles joint for my birthday...