Thursday, January 3, 2008

I KNEW I HATED CHUCK NORRIS! or WOW, Barack won in Iowa.

I knew I hated Chuck Norris.

I'm currently watching republican presidential candidate, Mike Huckabee (PRESIDENT HUCKABEE????), give his Iowa Caucus victory speech, and directly behind him on his right shoulder like a grizzled Tinker Bell, is YOU GUESSED IT! Chuck Norris! I knew hated him. See, I'm a Bruce Lee fan. And it is impossible to be a Chuck Norris Fan once you watched Bruce Lee kick his butt in Way of The Dragon.

See THAT? Look at the artistry. Look at the virtuosity. Look at the butt-kicking! Look at the disgusting amount of hair on Chuck's body! How could ANYONE be a fan of the slow footed, cro-magnon, Mr. Magoo-ish, Chuck Norris after that? And more than that how could anyone trust anyone that he endorses?

As you see my hatred of Chuck Norris goes waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back before the CBS TV show, Walker Texas (Hey, get my stuntman. I'm 60 years old over here.) Ranger. That show was like Murder she Wrote w/ roundhouse kicks. (Not that I ever really saw either show, but I'm an American so I'm allowed to judge without actually knowing what I'm talking about... I still stand by my statement though.)

And as funny as I think the Chuck Norris Facts are it also doesn't sway me. In fact I think it only proves how uninteresting that Chuck is, because some one had to invent stuff to make him interesting.

Look, it's not his fault. Chuck has lived a damn interesting life. And it's not his fault that the most notable part of his life (his meeting, training w/, and getting his butt-kicked by cultural icon, Bruce Lee) was one of the leeeeeeeeeast notable part of Bruce Lee's life.

Nuff said.

P.S. For the record I'm also not a fan of Jet Li or Jackie Chan either.

The scary part is, Huckabee as that same folksy charm and down home humor and dear in the headlights stare of fundamentalism of someone else who became president when we all least expected it.

P.P.S. How deep do you think that the bucket is that Hillary Clinton has her head in right now?

P.P.P.S. Barack's speaking right now. And he's using his black preacher voice. History shows that you can't defeat a black preacher voice (MLK, jr., Assorted Richard Pryor Characters, Bill Clinton). Uh oh, Hillary. Uh-FREAKING-OH!

P.P.P.P.S. I actually read Chuck Norris's autobiography when I was in high school. It was pretty good.

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