I would at LEAST give it some consideration.
Nancy Cartwright, the voice of Bart Simpson, just gave $10 million dollars (US) to The Church of Scientology.
That's right.
Bart Simpson is a Scientologist.
Which brings up a bigger point. There is no celebrity who is a Scientologist that I am impressed by. And by that I mean. There are no celebrity Scientologists who I think are that intelligent OR self-reflective OR interesting.
Here is a List of Celebrity Scientologists. I know the fact that the list is from Wikipedia makes this completely UNscientific... much like Scientology.
Now admittedly, there are some notable names on there. But I really think you have to discount any musicians. (Beck, Chick Corea, Issac Hayes, Doug E. Fresh... DOUG E. FRESH?) Everybody knows musicians are crazy. It's why the music is so good. Also you have to discount anybody who was raised a Scientologist (Again, Beck, Giovanni Ribisi). I have many people in my life who were raised Catholic and I don't judge them. it's not their fault.
After that the list is a mixed bag of C-List Actors and C Minus List Actors and "Who the hell is that?"
Where's Samuel L. Jackson? Harrison Ford? Alec Baldwin? Oprah Winfrey? Hell, if Charles Barkley said he was a member, I'd at least read the pamphlet... maybe I'd even hold those two metal rods to find out how I am broken. BUUUUUUUUUUT none of those people are Scientologists. Their two big names are Tom Cruise and John Travolta. Both of whom I think are decent to pretty good actors, and both of whom I've never heard speak and thought, "Man... This dude is really on to something."
I also feel the same way about the Evangelical Christian movement and their celebrities: Stephen Baldwin... Kirk Cameron...
And now a reading from The Book of Crazy by Tom Cruise, himself... (Thanks to Jeremy Townsend from theghet.com for reminding me of this.)
P.S. Free Katie Holmes!
P.P.S Do yourself a favor and spend sometime watching videos at Kirk Cameron's website. Specifically the one on proof of God. It's is truly the best in Alternative Comedy.
P.P.P.S. There's NOTHING worse than Christian Hip Hop.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Phase Two of The W. Kamau Bell Curve Begins...
I know. It seems like phase one just ended, but that's how numbers work. They follow each other in an order that was predetermined, and NOW we're ready for phase TWO!
The W. Kamau Bell Curve
w/ Guitarist Paul E. Hunt & Conjure
March 1st & 2nd
@ The East Bay Jewish Community Center
We're going ALL OUT for the the these two shows. I'm really excited and honored to be able to do this shows at THIS place. When I began putting "The Curve" (as we've begun calling it) together, I sincerely hoped it would open doors for me in ways that stand-up has not, and performing in a JCC is CERTAINLY that kind of door. Years ago I saw Eric Bogosian perform his greatest hits show (which was called "The Worst of Bogosian") at The Marin JCC. Since then I have attended many events at The SF JCC. (Have you seen that building? It is AMAAAAAZING. It's like a space ship landed.) I even performed in the SF JCC on Heather Gold's Talk Show.
I just love the fact that the show is already in it's short life being done in a venue that is outside the comedy box. I LOVE stand-up comedy, but it feels great to stretch my wings.
So I need all my East Bay people to come out and support. My roots in the Bay Area began more than ten years ago in Oakland. I lived on Jean Street off Grand Avenue... Arlington off of MLK (which was the only time in my life I thought I might die)... and finally I lived in downtown Oakland at (location held by request of the people it would incriminate). (Also I basically lived in Rockridge at my girlfriend Melissa's house, where I earned honorary 5th roommate status.) My first day job in the Bay Area was at a now defunct CAL school supply and clothing store called Ned's Den. It was located on Bancroft near Telegraph Avenue in Berkeley. in The Well's Fargo Building and people always thought it was a deli. Every girlfriend that I have had in the Bay Area lived in Oakland. (OK, one moved here with me but STILL!)
All I'm saying is that my East Bay credit is GOOOOOOOOOOOD. So it's time to redeem it for cash, prizes, and great diverse audiences.
As always, BRING A FRIEND OF A DIFFERENT RACE & GET IN 2FOR1.
The W. Kamau Bell Curve
w/ Guitarist Paul E. Hunt & Conjure
March 1st & 2nd
@ The East Bay Jewish Community Center
We're going ALL OUT for the the these two shows. I'm really excited and honored to be able to do this shows at THIS place. When I began putting "The Curve" (as we've begun calling it) together, I sincerely hoped it would open doors for me in ways that stand-up has not, and performing in a JCC is CERTAINLY that kind of door. Years ago I saw Eric Bogosian perform his greatest hits show (which was called "The Worst of Bogosian") at The Marin JCC. Since then I have attended many events at The SF JCC. (Have you seen that building? It is AMAAAAAZING. It's like a space ship landed.) I even performed in the SF JCC on Heather Gold's Talk Show.
I just love the fact that the show is already in it's short life being done in a venue that is outside the comedy box. I LOVE stand-up comedy, but it feels great to stretch my wings.
So I need all my East Bay people to come out and support. My roots in the Bay Area began more than ten years ago in Oakland. I lived on Jean Street off Grand Avenue... Arlington off of MLK (which was the only time in my life I thought I might die)... and finally I lived in downtown Oakland at (location held by request of the people it would incriminate). (Also I basically lived in Rockridge at my girlfriend Melissa's house, where I earned honorary 5th roommate status.) My first day job in the Bay Area was at a now defunct CAL school supply and clothing store called Ned's Den. It was located on Bancroft near Telegraph Avenue in Berkeley. in The Well's Fargo Building and people always thought it was a deli. Every girlfriend that I have had in the Bay Area lived in Oakland. (OK, one moved here with me but STILL!)
All I'm saying is that my East Bay credit is GOOOOOOOOOOOD. So it's time to redeem it for cash, prizes, and great diverse audiences.
As always, BRING A FRIEND OF A DIFFERENT RACE & GET IN 2FOR1.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
A CLASSIC Myspace blog Vol. 1
Occasionally, I will repost blogs from over on my MySpace page as way to insure that nay new readers over here get to further witness how far back my genius goes... and Also to fill prevent them getting deleted from Myspace's stoopid blogging program.
Anyway enjoy this CLASSIC WKB MISSIVE from May, 2007. Ahhhh, the country was so much younger then.
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
 | Nigga please! Seriously. Please, nigga please! So now Def Jam CEO and Orignal Buddhist Gangsta, Russell Simmons, has jumped on the acceptable language bandwagon. Now although the media is trying to make it seem like Simmons is advocating the banning of the words 'ho', 'bitch' and, 'nigger' completely, from what I can tell he is only saying that these words shouldn't be on the radio. I have no problem with that. And if I thought about it, there would probably be many things that I would like banned from radio like any bands whose names sounds like a bad accident... Panic At The Disco, Arcade Fire, Fall Out Boy, Ashlee Simpson. Thankfully my iPod has made thoughts of radio unnecessary. |
thirsty Tuesday, January 29, 2008
If I was Michael, I would have forced him to play football.
I hate to say that I saw this coming, but I did. I probably wasn't the only one who did. And I SWEAR that I DIDN'T want it to happen. I would have loved it if this story was one of the second coming of greatness... but it's not. I REEEEEEEEEEEEALLY hope he's smart.
Monday, January 28, 2008
I made one of the WORST decisions of my life Friday.
I went to see the new Rambo movie... with my mom.
YIKES!
First of all, lemme 'splain.
I guess I got caught up in the hype. First of all there was this ridiculous trailer that appeared online a few months ago...
DISCLAIMER: Don't watch if you have weak stomach.
So, after being blown away by the "B" movie ridiculosity of this trailer I began to get on that "It's going to be soooooo bad, it'll be grrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat!"
But then time passed, and my interest level waned, and then I started seeing these...
How come they made him look like Anthony Kiedis?
These posters are ALL OVER The Bay Area. And something about the idea that they (They being Stallone, I guess.) are trying to turn the biggest war mongering superhero of the 80's into a pretend graffiti campaign --- as if Rambo is a man of the people --- the idea of that struck me as sooooooooo funny that I thought, "I gotta see this."
And if you're going to see Rambo in the year 2008, you have to do it opening night.
I quickly put that aside when I realized that my mom and girlfriend. Melissa, would be in town (for my show and birthday), and I figured that there was NO WAY to convince them of that plan, birthday or not.
Well apparently, they REEEEEEEEALLY love me, because when my roommate Kevin strolled into my room Friday night and said he was going, both my mom and Melissa saw the lonely hound dog look in my eye and said... "OK, we'll go with you." (This was key because no other movie was playing at the same time that they wanted to see. DAMN YOU, MULTIPLEX! YOU PROMISED THAT WE WOULD HAVE MORE CHOICES THAN WE WOULD EVER NEED OR WANT! DAMN YOU!)
So we went to see Rambo.
Now, I know what you're thinking? "Rambo? Why is it just called Rambo? Isn't this like the 9th sequel?"
No. This is only the 3rd sequel. What you're doing is adding the number of Rocky movies (6) to the number of Rambo movies (4)... A common mistake.
And also this is the first one to be called simply Rambo --- Actually "Simply Rambo" would have been a good name too. --- Anyway, the first Rambo movie is actually titled "First Blood". It was based on a book about a American Vietnam War Veteran who when traveling through a small American town gets harassed by the local police and proceeds to... kill everybody.
Ok, not exactly Shakespeare... Actually, that IS eerily similar to many Shakespeare plots.
The book didn't have any sequels, but Hollywood always knows better. They didn't start calling these movies Rambo until the second one. And I guess this is an effort to go back to basics or something.
My review of the NEW Rambo... THANK GOD IT WAS ONLY 93 MINUTES!!!
I spent the bulk of that 93 minutes dividing my time among these activities...
1) Covering my mom's eyes. Not that she couldn't handle it, but I just felt bad being responsible for her taking this crap into her 70 year old system.
2) Trying to find some joy in a joyless movie. It's an action movie. Shouldn't somebody be having some fun?
3) Feeling sorry for the brown people in the film who had to be blown up and killed in ways that most special effects crews dream of. "Maybe we could have Rambo slice his stomach open, and then his intestines could fall out onto the ground?" This literally happened.
4) Wondering how come none of the Burmese bad guys in the movie actually got to have fully rounded out characters. They were just all EVIL. The leader of the bad guys, who had NO LINES, was even sooooooo evil that (HORROR OF ALL HORRORS!) he was gay... Or maybe the movie was just implying that he was a molester of young boys. I can't really be sure. I was too busy doing the next activity...
5) Pondering my life's choices and decisions. I'm 35 years old now (at least I was the day after the movie.) And it is time that I not waste time doing things like Rambo movies, when I could go see something equally violent but more thoughtful like "No Country For Old Men" OR "There Will Be Blood" or THIS GUY.
At some point at about around 5 minutes into this movie, I remembered, "Hey, wait a minute!.. I never liked the old Rambo movies. I was always a Schwartzenegger fan. When he ripped your arm off and beat you with it... it was supposed to be funny. Stallone wants you to take this stuff seriously. He says as much here in an article talking about making the movie...
"I was being accused, once again, of using the Third World as a Rambo victim. The Burmese are beautiful people. It's the military I am portraying as cruel,''
Well unfortunately Sly, it's hard to tell that you're on their side when you're the writer and director and you didn't give them one stinkin' line.
And now kids, we'll end with a reading from the Book of Hypocrisy. This is Stallone talking about his struggle to get the movie an "R" rating instead of an "NC-17" rating.
"This is full scale genocide. I want an 'R' and I want the violence in there because it is reality. It would be a whitewashing not to show what's over there,'' he told Associated Press "I think there is a story that needs to be told," Stallone said.
Yeah, Sly. There probably is a story about living in Burma that needs to be told. And it still does.
P.S. For the record the people in the 25% filled theater that I watched it with seemed to love it. One kid even cheered throughout.
P.P.S. Yes, they are already talking about a sequel. So, don't worry. We'll get to 9 sequels eventually.
P.P.PS. If they do make another sequel, I hope they get Anthony Kiedis to play to play Rambo.
YIKES!
First of all, lemme 'splain.
I guess I got caught up in the hype. First of all there was this ridiculous trailer that appeared online a few months ago...
DISCLAIMER: Don't watch if you have weak stomach.
So, after being blown away by the "B" movie ridiculosity of this trailer I began to get on that "It's going to be soooooo bad, it'll be grrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat!"
But then time passed, and my interest level waned, and then I started seeing these...
How come they made him look like Anthony Kiedis?
These posters are ALL OVER The Bay Area. And something about the idea that they (They being Stallone, I guess.) are trying to turn the biggest war mongering superhero of the 80's into a pretend graffiti campaign --- as if Rambo is a man of the people --- the idea of that struck me as sooooooooo funny that I thought, "I gotta see this."
And if you're going to see Rambo in the year 2008, you have to do it opening night.
I quickly put that aside when I realized that my mom and girlfriend. Melissa, would be in town (for my show and birthday), and I figured that there was NO WAY to convince them of that plan, birthday or not.
Well apparently, they REEEEEEEEALLY love me, because when my roommate Kevin strolled into my room Friday night and said he was going, both my mom and Melissa saw the lonely hound dog look in my eye and said... "OK, we'll go with you." (This was key because no other movie was playing at the same time that they wanted to see. DAMN YOU, MULTIPLEX! YOU PROMISED THAT WE WOULD HAVE MORE CHOICES THAN WE WOULD EVER NEED OR WANT! DAMN YOU!)
So we went to see Rambo.
Now, I know what you're thinking? "Rambo? Why is it just called Rambo? Isn't this like the 9th sequel?"
No. This is only the 3rd sequel. What you're doing is adding the number of Rocky movies (6) to the number of Rambo movies (4)... A common mistake.
And also this is the first one to be called simply Rambo --- Actually "Simply Rambo" would have been a good name too. --- Anyway, the first Rambo movie is actually titled "First Blood". It was based on a book about a American Vietnam War Veteran who when traveling through a small American town gets harassed by the local police and proceeds to... kill everybody.
Ok, not exactly Shakespeare... Actually, that IS eerily similar to many Shakespeare plots.
The book didn't have any sequels, but Hollywood always knows better. They didn't start calling these movies Rambo until the second one. And I guess this is an effort to go back to basics or something.
My review of the NEW Rambo... THANK GOD IT WAS ONLY 93 MINUTES!!!
I spent the bulk of that 93 minutes dividing my time among these activities...
1) Covering my mom's eyes. Not that she couldn't handle it, but I just felt bad being responsible for her taking this crap into her 70 year old system.
2) Trying to find some joy in a joyless movie. It's an action movie. Shouldn't somebody be having some fun?
3) Feeling sorry for the brown people in the film who had to be blown up and killed in ways that most special effects crews dream of. "Maybe we could have Rambo slice his stomach open, and then his intestines could fall out onto the ground?" This literally happened.
4) Wondering how come none of the Burmese bad guys in the movie actually got to have fully rounded out characters. They were just all EVIL. The leader of the bad guys, who had NO LINES, was even sooooooo evil that (HORROR OF ALL HORRORS!) he was gay... Or maybe the movie was just implying that he was a molester of young boys. I can't really be sure. I was too busy doing the next activity...
5) Pondering my life's choices and decisions. I'm 35 years old now (at least I was the day after the movie.) And it is time that I not waste time doing things like Rambo movies, when I could go see something equally violent but more thoughtful like "No Country For Old Men" OR "There Will Be Blood" or THIS GUY.
At some point at about around 5 minutes into this movie, I remembered, "Hey, wait a minute!.. I never liked the old Rambo movies. I was always a Schwartzenegger fan. When he ripped your arm off and beat you with it... it was supposed to be funny. Stallone wants you to take this stuff seriously. He says as much here in an article talking about making the movie...
"I was being accused, once again, of using the Third World as a Rambo victim. The Burmese are beautiful people. It's the military I am portraying as cruel,''
Well unfortunately Sly, it's hard to tell that you're on their side when you're the writer and director and you didn't give them one stinkin' line.
And now kids, we'll end with a reading from the Book of Hypocrisy. This is Stallone talking about his struggle to get the movie an "R" rating instead of an "NC-17" rating.
"This is full scale genocide. I want an 'R' and I want the violence in there because it is reality. It would be a whitewashing not to show what's over there,'' he told Associated Press "I think there is a story that needs to be told," Stallone said.
Yeah, Sly. There probably is a story about living in Burma that needs to be told. And it still does.
P.S. For the record the people in the 25% filled theater that I watched it with seemed to love it. One kid even cheered throughout.
P.P.S. Yes, they are already talking about a sequel. So, don't worry. We'll get to 9 sequels eventually.
P.P.PS. If they do make another sequel, I hope they get Anthony Kiedis to play to play Rambo.
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