NO, JANET! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Rudyard Kipling famously said, "If you can keep your wits about you while all others are losing theirs, and blaming you. The world will be yours and everything in it..."

That's a pretty good quote, but I've always believed it's more correct the way my best friend and favorite bookstore owner, Jason Smith, said it to me, "If you can keep you wits about you while all others are losing theirs, then you've clearly misunderstood the problem."

That quote, I believe, DEFINITELY describes the situation of one, Janet, "Ms. Jackson, if you're nasty" Jackson. The following is her latest music video release to promote her new album.


We have a word for things like that. It's pronounced, "YIKES!"

Don't get me wrong. It's not like it's bad. It's just so EXTREMELY ordinary. She could have (and did do) this song and video twenty years ago. For a woman who clearly is responsible for bringing down the unforgiving, uncompromising, and un-understandable wrath of the Federal Communications Commission on the heads and mouths of every artist in the country. (I STILL blame her for the reason Comedy Central wouldn't let me say 'nigger' on Premium Blend, even though I counted another comic who said it on their network literally fourteen times before Tittygate. --- Well, I still said 'nigger'. They just didn't air it.) That titty ruined EVERYTHING! All over the country artists had to deal with censorship in ways that recalled Macarthyism (not the worst of it, but the head hunting side of it.) The worst part about it was that Janet didn't claim to be trying to challenge the status quo, or to be making a political statement. She just blamed it on the infamous and equally nonsensical WARDROBE MALFUNCTION. She NEVER owned up. Janet, please learn a lesson from the Dixie Chicks. When Natalie Maines made anti-George Bush sentiments and blew up the band's career --- even though (like you) they didn't know what they were getting into, they STOOD UP AND FOUGHT BACK!

(Actually in truth the real worst part was how Justin Timberlake came out of this COMPLETELY unscathed even though HE WAS THE ONLY WHO ACTUALLY WHIPPED IT OUT! --- Can you say RACISM? --- I knew that you could.)

But now she comes back --- Well actually this is her second album since the titcident. The one she was promoting at the time bombed. The next one, which was attempting to be a throwback to Rhythm Nation ate it. And this one is suuuuuuuuure to follow.

At the time of the titastrophe I told my friend and cohort Kevin Avery that the ONLY way Janet Jackson would EVER be able to comeback is if she shaved her head, played acoustic guitar, and sang lesbian folk songs. Well apparently Janet thought the way to comeback was to buy a loooooonger wig, put on the catsuit that Halle Berry wore in the movie, Catwoman (I'm sure there's no bad juju in THAT thing.) and then the piece de resistance is to release music that shows no change or growth. It's as if the whole thing never happened and she learned nothing.

Again I quote my best friend, Jason Smith...

"If you can keep you wits about you while all others are losing theirs, then you've clearly misunderstood the problem."

P.S. The only reason I knew about this is becuz of Yahoo is my homepage and they considered this news. I read this blog about the album. Has this dude lost his mind? He hasn't even heard the whole the album?!