Another meaningless apology brought to you by the people who brought you imperialism

The United States is the home of the meaningless apology.

Last year the states of Virginia, Maryland, North Carolina, and Alabama apologized for slavery. Virginia actually did it DURING Black History Month, which I thought was a little tacky. You don’t tell your spouse that you’re cheating on them on your anniversary. What is interesting to me is that several other states, Texas, New York, and Delaware have considered apologizing for slavery but haven’t decided yet. On one hand I’m like what is there to decide? Slavery is one of the most brutal and ugly blight on America’s already brutal and ugly history. But on the other hand I get it. How do you apologize for something that ultimately worked out so well for you? Slavery really in all truth worked out for America. Apologizing for slavery is difficult. It’s like if you secretly were responsible for your neighbor’s death, but instead of getting in trouble, his family gives you his plasma screen television. Ewwwwww. You might feel guilty, but you wouldn’t want to say sorry and arouse any suspicion.

Plus it is such a meaningless apology. The apologies all kinda have the flavor, “I borrowed your hammer, and oops, I forgot to return it for 400 years.” The apologies didn’t even come with a tuna noodle casserole. Isn’t that how white people generally apologize? With a warm entrée and some Tupperware? Japanese people got 20 grand for the interment camps. Now I know that 20 grand doesn’t solve everything, but it certainly goes further than an apology.

‘I’d like to buy this house.” “What do you have as down payment?” ‘Ummm… I have an apology from the state of Virginia for slavery.”

Native American’s even got casinos. I just saw one of those commercials the other day where some politician is asking Californians to vote on a measure for Indian casinos to share revenue with the rest of the state. There’s this theory that the Indian casinos are these huge cash cows. But I don’t know if that is true. For one thing, I’ve never seen a rich Native American. Everybody else who owns a casino is rich, Donald Trump, The Maloofs, Andy Garcia in Ocean’s 11…. But I have never seen a rich Native American. Why is that? Is it because America devastated Native Americans so completely that the casinos are just a drop in the bucket OR is it because Native Americans are smart and know how to keep quite about there wealth this time? Still sensitive over that whole Manhattan deal?

But still black people can't even get a meaningless apology.